5 Reasons You Should Never Settle

AMAZING !

James Michael Sama

As I sit here to write this article, I’m in our hotel room overlooking the beach. The waves sound so close you feel like you can put your hand out the window and touch them. My girlfriend is making coffee. Her tanned skin is accentuated even further by the stark white walls. The rays of sun are coming through the blinds signaling a new day has begun. Michael Bublé is permeating the room from my laptop speakers.

Next to me on the table is this month’s copy of Esquire, the cover of which is beckoning us with “84 Things A Man Should Do Before He Dies.” And I sit here thinking to myself – no matter how many failures I face or how hard life becomes, I refuse to settle.

You can settle for less than you deserve in many areas of life. A job you can’t stand going to…

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4-4-2014 Friday

In three days Matty will be 18 years old , and in thirteen days it’s our friendship anniversary ! but he doesn’t remember for sure .. though i asked him 3 weeks ago ,if he knows what happened in 17th of April , he said ” a lot of things happened ” , which got my hopes so high,  i thought he remembers but when i asked ” Like what ? ” he answered me saying “IDK ! ” .

well , i don’t know too what to do ! I just want to be there when he’s eighteen , on the day when this Angel was born ! I just want to be there because i might not be there in the next times or the next years ! 

when is this suffering gonna stop ?! is it ever gonna stop !?  

 I can’t stop myself form listening to Laura Pausini’s song – it’s not goodbye ! I just feel like I’m not ready to say goodbye ,I’m just not ready . Is it weird to have a crush on your best friend ?! or feel anything towards him ?! I just can’t know if I really have a crush on him or it’s just because I felt I’m losing him ! It feels really bad , being confused not knowing what you feel or what you are supposed to feel , not knowing what too do or what you are supposed to do , not knowing if those people want you back or they don’t , not knowing if they are worth fighting for or not !!! 

I saw a movie today ” Sundays at Tiffany’s ” , it’s simply amazing , it talks about a ten years old girl that she has an imaginary friend and then this friends says goodbye on her 10th birthday ,she starts to cry , then 20 years later when she’s a grown up , a woman that works as” plays director ” , and she’s preparing for her wedding which is coming in 30 days almost , well she’s engaged to an actor , so her imaginary friend appears again but as a big boy almost her age . well the end of the movie was amazing ,so romantic ,and a little sad and not ! 

I don’t know what to do .. should i wish him a happy birthday or i shouldn’t !  i wish he comes to me , apologizes , or ask me out ! invite me to his birthday or talk to me and say he wants to spend his birthday with me ! I WISH ! 

17th of April -2013

Well that’s a year ago , I know ! but i got some old memories i want to burn by writing them here , on my blog .. 

17th of April 2013 , was the day when Matty added me on Facebook at 8 p.m .

Matty … is not his real name , but that’s what i call him here on this blog ..

he was a senior ,and I was a year younger than him , we used to attend the same school . What  i remember that my bus always used to pass in front of his bus , so i used to sit in the chair beside the window , he used to do the same , we didn’t know each other then which is in the first semester, though i wanted to add him so much  . But i had  my classmate in his bus ,i went to her and thought maybe she can help ,she advised me not to add him , she said he’s a bad guy that makes out with girls , he swears a lot and other stupid stuff , she even threatened me , she said if i talked to him she won’t ever talk to me or be my friend !  so i forgot about adding him or even getting to know him , though my bus always passed in front of him but i stopped sitting in that chair beside the window  .. 

Until he added me in the third semester  on 17- 4 – 2013 Wednesday .. that shocked me though i accepted , Cause that’s what i wanted ,and that’s what destiny  wanted more ..  

Matty is a Perfect guy no matter what .. I’ve always been looking for Someone , anyone ,  that thinks like me , that likes what i like ,hates what i hate , wants what i want , dreams my dreams , we had so much in common , since the first day we talked ! 

everyone was So jealous of us .. though we were just BEST FRIENDS !! Image

27th of March -2014

it was supposed to be one of the most amazing days in my whole life , and as usual it got screwed at the middle of it , though i planned for it very carefully .

we have been planning to book in a hotel ,so that we spend all day together till i have to leave , then he stays till the next day .then the next day i’ll come , we check out together then have breakfast together . Since both of us were under 18 years old , we had to bring anyone’s ID whom he’s older than 18 to book the room , So he brought his cousins ID . 

I went to the mall to bring the massages oil , as i promised him before to make him a massage , when i was looking for the oil i text-ed him to see if he was awake , and he was . He called me and said his mother and his brothers are going out to the same mall i was at . so whenever he calls i go out . I bought the oil and went out to wait him , then he called me saying he was somewhere around me in a cab.

we were on the phone talking , he was saying look at your left hand i was looking at my hand ! the he said I’m on your left . he was but i couldn’t tell because i was so not concentrating . He started shouting and swearing at me , then i finally found him ! He was IN-FRONT OF ME !! 

I got into the cab , i didn’t even say Hi cause he was pissed off me . and still swearing and shouting . I stayed like that for almost 10 minutes . The silence broke when i got a call form my  guy friend  , and i didn’t want him to know who i was on the phone with , so he asked me what was the name of the hotel ( trying to talk to me ).

we arrived to the hotel ,he talked to the receptionist , when i was booking on the phone she told me it’s for a wife and husband i said OK , so when she saw us he told her she is my sister , and she’s not staying here tonight , I’m staying only .We took our room in the fifth floor , room number 508 , it was a studio . we put our things on the floor ,then  he went into the bathroom .

we sat for a while i was so quiet , he thought i was on something , whenever he looked at me i was just looking on anything so i got him a little scared , he eventually said “if you’re going to stay  quiet like this I’m going to leave , are you on something ? ” 

” no I’m not , i’m just thinking what we are going to do , when are we gonna get the drinks ?! ” i said . then he started searching for an open places to buy the drinks from . then we found one . 

we left the hotel ,  we stayed for approximately 30 minutes waiting to get a cab , then i finally told him to call for one . he did we stayed in the hotel lobby till the cab arrives , that’s when he started to tell me about his dad .. he told me how his dad started building his future life , till he got to what he is now . i was concentrating with every word he was saying but at the same time i was looking at every single part of his face , and how much I’m gonna miss that when he leaves , or when he’s not around .

The cab arrived when he was still talking about his dad , and i said nothing all that time .We rode the cab , and when we arrived to the drinks store , i stayed in the car when he went into the store to get us the drinks , he put them in his bag , and rode the cab to get back to the hotel . When we arrived to the hotel we made a deal , he goes up with the drinks and i go to the grocery to get us something to eat before we drink . He went up , i went to the grocery , bought us cigarettes , Lays (yellow ) , chocolate and some other stuff to eat ..

when i went up he was putting the drinks in the refrigerator . we waited a little till the drinks get cold and we fill our tummy’s , we ate then started drinking . i was so confused , thinking should i drink ?! should i not ?!  what should i do !? i can’t say no now !!

so he opened the bottle for me , and i drunk !  I Drunk For the first time in my life 😀 😀 

it was a drink that tasted exactly like Fanta Orange ,, but when i read whats on the bottle it says there’s 4% vol of alcohol . then the second bottle was vodka with lemon juice , but it tasted lemon  too . the third one was Fosters ! i tried drinking it all but it was way too big for a beginner, so i had some sips only , and that’s when i started feeling my eyes like the old televisions when you open them , i started having blurred vision . A while later i started laughing with out any reason , on the silliest stuff ever , then saying stupid , and a little rude things , like i want to piss , or when i broke the bottle he called the room service then the cleaner came into the room looking what happened then Matty told him ‘ just give us the cleaning stuff and we’ll clean it ” the i said ” No you clean it Cause both of us never cleaned anything and we don’t know how ” ! Matty giggled a little then he was whispering to me ” don’t be that rude , we gonna say that ,then he’ll say no i’ll clean it , for sure he won’t let us clean it ” , I said ” Oh i need to piss 😮 ” ! then he took me to the bathroom and closed the door when i entered the bath room . 2 minutes later i went out , that’s when the cleaner was about to leave , he looked at me and was like ” Hi ” , i replied back with a Hi , so i thought since he’s leaving the room i should say Bye . then i started waving stupidly !

Then Matty was like ” Oh My God !! ” You were so rude “!  i was surprised Cause i was tipsy ! how was i supposed to know what to do or even say ! Anyway .. when the cleaner left he held the oil bottle and said ” you brought that to make me a massage , am i right ? ”  I looked at him and said ” you should have asked me that before we drink not Now !! ”  . Then i took the bottle and told him to turn and sleep on his tummy ,but before that to take off his T-shirt .That’s when he was taking off everything  , Except his pants O.o .

He put some music and turned his back to me  , and i started massaging him for almost 30 minutes . when i finished he stood up and started waking in the room , wearing his pants only , then he said he wants to shower , I waited him to ask me to shower with him . he did . but i didn’t feel in his  voice tone that he wanted that . He went in the bathroom , sat in the tub that is fill with hot water . i waited for a while in bed thinking what to do ,then i took a bottle of fosters and stood in front of the bathroom door , knocked the first time .. nothing , knocked again , he responded ” ,Yeaaah ?! ” i asked if i can get in , he aid “sure Come in ” . 

I went in  , sat on the toilet cover , drinking , couldn’t look , cause that will be rude ,He’s Naked !! then he asked again and this time was the time when i felt he wanted me to be in that TUB FILL WITH HOT WATER !! I was already topless , then i took off my trousers , so i was like he always wanted me , wearing  red Under wears , my hair was down ,then he put his hand on the side of my thigh .

He was laying in the tub , then i put my legs around his hips and my head on his right shoulder , having a quick flash back of the days we had 7 months ago . Then he started kissing my down side of my neck almost my shoulder , sucking , and licking , that all made me feel almost unconscious  , as if i was going to pass out , I couldn’t bear it anymore , so we started kissing each other ( french kissing ) , then he took off my bra then started sucking my nipples . which made me feel horny as fuck !! , then he took off my pants . his Dick was touching my pussy , almost in , ALMOST . Then he asked me ” Do you wana go there ? ” I asked :” Bed ? ” he shook his head which means yes . i stood up and went out of the tub , he said he needed to piss and he’ll follow me that was when i was rolling the towel around my body  ,  I lied on bed till he came , he lied beside me , stated kissing me and kissing me , then he pulled me till i became on top of him , kissing kissing kissing kissing kissing kissing ! then i made him a blow job , hand job !  then he started moving his dick on my (Pussy) ! well , I’m virgin , so that’s the only reason that we couldn’t have sex , Though i wanted him as bad as he wanted me , and MORE !! then he asked ” you wana try anal ?! ” I didn’t know what to say , so i answered with nothing . He said ” whenever it hurts you tell me and i’ll stop , Ok ?’ then he left the bed ,stood on its side ,he pulled me, so my back was facing him , i bend a little , pulled some pillows put them under me , and he started trying to put it in , he almost succeeded ,i got hurt in the beginning , so i moved away , he pulled me again , spit on his fingers rubbed on my asshole , then tried again and again , but he couldn’t put it in though he fingered it before that but naaah ! as if my ass was refusing that ! He was turned on then because i was making him a hand job , and he made himself a hand job , then he cummed in my mouth that’s when i was sucking his dick ! ! 

then we were in bed smoking drinking ,i was  kissing his cheeks and neck ,  he told me once that what turns him on the most or more ,was kissing his neck and that’s what i was doing 😀 well he was trying to stop me but i knew i should do everything i want this time , and as many times as i want . he suddenly told me ” something wrong is happening i feel it ” i asked ” with your family ?! with who ?” 

he said” i don’t know with whom exactly , but i feel something bad is going to happen or happened ” ! after 10 minutes maybe , he got a call from his friend Sam . Sam had a car accident , and broke his leg , that was at 5 pm i guess . Then i was left alone in hotel room Crying  !!  Because of my bad luck ……. 

then we had a fight , a huge fight , and that’s what ended everything between me and Matty </3 My best friend and My secret crush !